Category Archives: Churchianity

PAMIC: People Against Massages In Church

One of the first churches my wife and I attended was also home to a publicly cuddly wify type (a PCW). Right during the sermon—and often for the duration of the message!—this woman’s red fingernails were busy scratching away at the back of her husband’s neck, eventually twirling his hair, and then rubbing his shoulders, and then back to the scalp scratching. It became a one-handed, unending cycle of scratching, twirling, and rubbing.

I’m sure the husband enjoyed the sermon. But the public massage fest was distracting for the 20 rows of unfortunate spectators behind the couple. It is almost impossible not to notice this activity (red fingernail polish didn’t help). And following the sermon became an almost impossible task. I can imagine a letter from Screwtape to Wormwood on the importance of encouraging wives to massage at church.

All this to say, I have been personally effected by the spiritual distraction caused by massages in church. Today I sign the manifesto to join People Against Massages In Church (PAMIC). Join me, and together we can put an end to this disruptive practice.

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